Sunday, June 28, 2009

Funny Halo Kill

Yeah yeah you people with 360s just calm down I know this happens a lot with you so if you want just ignore this post. Wait..then I have no readers....crap.

Anywho I was at my friend Tim's house today and was pwing some noobs. Seriously all my K/D was above 0. Yeah I still suck at the game but I'm improving so shut up (Trevor).

Either I was very lucky or this guy was an idiot but whatever. Alright so me and Tim are playing on Construct (like it matters what map). After killing a few people I pick up a plasma and start running past the gold lift. Two enemies come up the lift as I run for cover. As I'm being pelted in the bum I turn around, jump, throw a plasma and die. With my last effort, the plasma sticks one of my foes. Hurray and whatever thats not that special though. Alright the guy I stuck being an idiot jumps up, runs into his teammate in mid-air. Boom goes my sticky grenade. Double Kill. o_O

Yeah I know there's funnier stuff out there but this one made me and Tim laugh for a while. Pretty gewd stuff rite there. How about you guys? Tell me some of your funniest halo moments =]

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Baman Piderman

If you've never heard of this duo then you're in for a treat. It's Batman and Spiderman yes....but in a stupider sense. it. It's so dumb its funny =P

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Movie Review: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen


Ok ok before I start this review I just need a minute to take in all the awesomeness I just witnessed................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
okay i think im........DOOD SO AWESOME HE TOTALLY TRANSFORMED AND SHOT THAT GUY AND cool............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Yes that was a really really stupid "joke" or "gag" if you can even call it that. But seriously if you havn't seen this movie by now you need to check into a mental institution. In fact, go wait in line right now. I don't care if it's 12 am and there isn't another showing until the morning. Go get a ticket or something. Watch the first one on a portable DVD player while you sleep outside and watch people pass you by pointing and saying "wow is that a hobo? what a slob. GET A JOB YOU BUM!"

Seriously though, if you enjoyed the first installment of this franchise then you're going to be stunned and amazed all over again. All your favorite characters are back *I shan't ruin it* and an entire new plot is discovered that only one boy can stop. Yeah you-know-who. No you freaking idiot not Lord Voldemort! Sam Witwickey. The CGI in this movie is simply amazing. Ranging from the transformation from car to bada$$ robot to the numerous explosions, the computer imaging team has really outdone themselves this time around.

But it's not all about action. This movie is filled with comedy coming from both autobots and humans alike. I couldn't help but laugh at the antics of a very special pair of individuals. =P You'll know what I mean when you see it.

This is definitely one of the best movies of the summer and that I've seen for a long while. Not since the first Transformers have audiences wooted and cheered when the credits began rolling. And no they were sure as heck not cheering that the movie was finally over. All the actors did a great job and Megan Fox is still in there for the sexual innuendo. Yeah...lots of innuendo....

I'm going to see this movie a number of times in theaters just to experience it again and again on the big screen. It's really that good. Period. Exclamation Point. Just whatever. Why are you still here reading this? Go watch this movie! Now!

A strong 5 outta 5 starts.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Movie Review: Year One

In Year One, Jack Black and Michael Cera's humorous personalities come together to create a comedy like no other. Set in 1 A.D. (I'm assuming), the two characters are forced to leave their peaceful village and venture into the unknown. Running into real-life characters such as Cane and Able and Abraham provided some comedy however, could obviously be considered offenseive. The death of Able, for example, basically was "look what I did" *hits with rock* "look what I did again." It was kinda funny the first time, but the writers dragged that joke out for over a minute.

Not only was the movie religiously offensive, the amount of vulgar material was over the top. Jack Black literally eats crap to determine, rather poorly, the location of a local tribe. Don't even get me started about the high priest guy. Seriously all that chest hair, the man could go into the carpet industry if he wanted.

With all the boob, boner, and testicle jokes, I'm almost offended to be the target audience *yay yahtzee again* But seriously directors need to think of better ways to make the teenage demographic wet their pants laughing. Good ole ball jokes and stuff are fine but that shouldn't be the go-to idea for a quick joke in the middle of a serious scene.

There were still a few non-vulgar jokes that were A+ material. Only...those moments were few and far between. The bloopers at the end were the funniest part of the movie were extremely hilarious and everyone still in the theater never stopped laughing throughout them.

If you're looking for a good laugh and don't mind an offensive joke every other sentence, I highly recommend seeing Year One. Overall, my friends and I enjoyed the movie and if I have to do a raiting I'd give it 4.0 stars. No wait that guy was REALLY man they showed so much chest hair....and oil....*shivers*

3.5 outta 5. See it for yourself.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

PS3 vs. Xbox 360: The Great Debate Part I

Alright so I guess I can't do a blog involving video games without discussing the heated debate between Sony and Microsoft or the "console war" as some people are calling it. I titled this post PS3 vs. Xbox 360 and didn't include the Wii if you might have noticed. As the Wii is all fun with its motion sensing and who ha seriously when's the last time a groundbreaking game has come out for the console? Yeah they announced a few hits like Super Mario Galaxy 2 at E3 this year but c'mon. It's more of a fitness trainer now than anything. We started with Wii Fit now look what direction its gone. Anyway enough of this rant it's my blog so screw you if you want me to talk about the Wii. I don't own one but my best friend, Mitchell, does and he only uses it for Super Smash Brothers Brawl and occasionally Wii Sports. Other than that his parents play it more than he ever will.

Ok Zach shut up explaining why you're not including the Wii just get on with the dang post already.

Calm down calm down I'm going. As most of you know I don't actually own a Xbox 360 just the old school original. However, since nearly everyone and their grandma apparently owns one I feel I've had enough experience to talk about it. If you don't agree go back to T-bagging noobs and waste some time on Social Slayer or Griff Ball I really don't care.

Let's start out with the console that's ahead in this race and has been around the longest of the three two. That's right I'm talking about the all-mighty Xbox 360!

First let's do a quick rundown of the specs.

Oh for the 360 I'll use the 60 GB Pro version and for PS3 I'm discussing the latest 80 GB model alright? Clear? No? Well screw you we're starting anyway.

Specs for Xbox 360 Pro (60 GB):

Processor Type
3.2 GHz Triple Core IBM PowerPC
Installed RAM
Storage Capacity
60 GB Hard drive
Graphic Processor
ATI Xbox 360 - 256-bit graphics acceleration
Video Memory
10 MB
Max. Resolution
1920 x 1080
Sound Output
16-bit / Surround Sound
3 USB Ports
Price $299.99

For most of you out that made absolutely no sense and you've probably given up on my blog, moved onto reading a professional, posted nasty comments saying I try to confuse people by speaking Pig Latin, and are now in the fetal position quietly stroking your special edition Halo 3 wireless controller saying "It's gonna be alright he's not going to hurt you anymore."

Basically all that means is that its a pretty powerful machine that has numerous features and is overall pretty freaking sweet.

Before I make this post unbearably long to read (whoops too late) I'll move onto what we're all looking forward to: Xbox Live. Ah yes XBL as most call it. The online gaming community that links all 360 users together in bloody, bloody harmony. XBL is where 360 owners get together to download various content for games as well as beat the crap out of each other in online multiplayer modes. Far superior to Sony's Playstation Network, XBL provides easy access to communicating with one's friends over the internet. The menu screens are helpful and inviting while it is fairly easy to invite a group to a party chat session or a good old rousing game of social slayer. The only problem I have with Xbox Live is that it costs $50 a year for the service. Not that bad, but still worse than PSN which is free.

The games in Microsoft's arsenel are AAA titles that bring variety and insane graphics to the system. Games such as Gears of War II, Halo 3, and Fable II are not only fantastic titles, they are exclusive to the Xbox 360. Microsoft has even been able to get serieses that were originally exclusive to the PS3 to become multiplatform. An obvious example is Final Fantasy 13.
With games such as Splinter Cell: Conviction, Halo: ODST, and a re-release of Perfect Dark on the horizon, the Xbox 360 is shaping up to provide another great year in gaming.

Finally, I'd like to list some pro's and cons for the system. Yeah it's not perfect that's why there's a heated debate over these two consoles. They both each have advantages and disadvantages that make the console unique.

Xbox Live- The best online interface out there right now

Games, Games, and more Games- Like I said, lots of titles

$300 price tag- It's not cheap but it's $100 less than the PS3

Population- Nearly everytime I hear of video games the words Xbox 360 are mentioned. There's A LOT of people that own an xbox so you're bound to find some new friends on there.

3 Year Warranty- We need that =P

RRoD- Ah yes the dreaded Red Ring of Death. This major fault in Microsoft's console is one of the main reasons people tend to not purchase it. This fatal error that is likely to occur if you leave your xbox on for too long or confine it to a small space (yes I'm saying the xbox 360 is claustrophobic). It's annoying to have to wait for a replacement so...

Monthly subscription to Xbox Live- As I've said not expensive but still it's not free =[

Wi-Fi Adapter- As I will write in Part II of this post, the PS3 comes with Wi-Fi built in. For the 360 you have to buy an adapter that costs about $100 retail. Yes wired is loads better but still some people prefer, or have to use, a wireless connection.

Power Brick- I just thought I'd mention it but jeez man that power brick is HUGE! You can literally bludgeon someone to death with it.

No Blu-Ray- Unlike Sony's console, Microsoft believed HD DVD would win the format war. Unfortunately for them they were wrong. No blu-ray adapter has been announced so...for those of you wishing to play your blu-ray movies....a player isn't that expensive anymore =P

So there's my take on the Xbox 360. It's seriously a great console. It isn't always dependable but it's a good pal to have around. Just be sure to give it some air. It's a good all rounder for a wide-ranging demographic that offers high end graphics and Triple-A titles. If you don't already own one, you probably know someone that does. Play it at a friends house before you make a final decision on which console to buy. Oh and keep a lookout for Part II of this post to give you a better idea of the competition. Thanks for reading. Happy Gaming!


Another con that I can't believe I missed: Annoying idiots on Xbox Live. Seriously how many 12 year olds are there in the world?!?!? If there's as many as I find on XBL there must be a pedifile training center focusing on all things Microsoft. *yahtzee moment* It seems like everytime I log in and start a match someone's whining to their mommy about how their K/D ratio is lower than 0.5. Okay I don't give a crap about swearing or trash talking as much as those annoying people that make the experience worse for us all. But as Tim told me once, the mute feature is a very useful function that I will most likely use the minute I purchase a 360.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

inFAMOUS First Impressions

As I watched the inFAMOUS demo download into my PS3's HDD I couldn't help but wonder if it would live up to all of the hype surrounding it. Although I had heard positive reviews from major corporations such as SCEA and IGN, some of my Playstation 3-owning friends had told me they were not impressed by the demo at all. I couln't help but wonder would inFAMOUS offer stellar gameplay and controls or would it be another Lair (yeah remember that game?).

The opening cinematics are told half through the eyes of the main character and half in a comic-book style, switching quickly between panels to keep the action going. Instead of starting the game with the usual:

Step 1: Learn how to press X
Step 2: Learn how to aim at bad people
Step 3: It's okay if you die its just a game. Try repeating step one a few times. =[
Soon we'll get to the advanced techniques (the square button: why is it square and what does it do?)

the demo thrusts players directly one of the games beginning missions.

The main I've played the demo twice and I still don't know his the sole survivor of some freak electrical accident and recovers with various electric powers. As you start off, you are told to rescue a train carrying numerous civilians. Since the train runs on electricity....yeah duh you can figure it out. There are some annoying pop ups about the controls that reoccur but they are subtle and do not distract the player from the main action on screen. You are inundated with a variety of moves to subdue your foes including electric shockwave, electric grenade, as well as the power to rain lightning down from the heavens to destroy everything in its path. If your pants also got a little wet by hearing that then I would like to inform you that you are not alone. Insofar when you actually perform this move worse things are likely to occur.

As the free roaming and jumping is awesome (you can literally slide along power lines), some of the game was quite repetitious. I kept having to recharge various portions of the track the train was sitting on in order to pass through a checkpoint. Normally I would rant some more on this but the game introduced a new enemy during the third checkpoint that could warp through time and space so I'll contain my annoying reviewer voice for now.

The player is able to choose between hero or villain through a Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic type good guy/bad guy bar. The electric attacks change from blue for hero to red for villian. Let me just tell you summoning red lightning bolts down in the middle of a busy street while you laugh manically is a great way to resolve some hatred of cars, people, and lampposts.

Although the variety of enemies boils down to dude-with-pistol-and-super-human-accuracy-like-omg-how-did-he-hit-me-from-that-far-away and the time warp guy, I was overall impressed by the graphics, controls, and gameplay. There were a few glitches here and there (for example sticking my head through a building while I'm hanging off wasn't good for my health bar) however, the sheer sandbox style gameplay makes this a game I would like to include in my collection.

Honestly, I was impressed enough to eventually pick up the game but not until the price drops. The major problem I have with the $60 price tag is that you can't play with a friend. I don't know how online multiplayer would work but tag-teaming throughout the entire game with a buddy would be awesome. It'd be even better if you could be a hero and your friend could be a villian and you like are arch-rivals and at the end of the game you face each other....hang on let me go copyright this idea....

If you don't have any friends or don't care about any sort of multiplayer, this is definitely a great game to buy. I highly recommend this game based off of the demo but advise waiting a bit until it drops its price tag. I mean this one will surely become a greatest hit and sell for half the price. If you're looking for a great single player game then buy this one now before they run out of stock. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go play the demo again.

Monday, June 8, 2009

And It Begins

Yo so yeah I made a blog It's like 1:30 in the morning so I have no idea what I'm doing making a blog....bear with me its my first one too.

Um let's see topics....well I'll probably write about stuff I know so mainly video game reviews (yes like there aren't a thousand other blogs about video games out there)

Hopefully people will find the comedy amusing. I might post some of my standup I've been working on if...anyone will care.

I try to be a comic at school but it hasn't gotten me anywhere really so I need to try another approach....great now I seem like I'm begging =/

If you don't want to read my blogs...then just don't bother reading them jerkoff my friendly internet user.

Anyway this post is just a heads up on what to expect. Like I said first blog, don't really know how all this works quite yet and stuff so keep the nasty comments to yours......wait no my friends will use your insults so I don't really care. Go nuts. Oh throw some short jokes in while you're at it since I'm 18 and only like 5 foot 6. Yeah I'm short...